Build Yourself

Relationships are a mirror reflecting pain inside you】
We have connections and relationships with a multitude of people, including our parents, spouse, children, friends, colleagues at work, and many others. Relationships are where the totality of our emotions comes to the forefront, whether they are positive or negative, pleasant or unpleasant. They serve as a reflection and help us become aware of ourselves.
We always think the pain we experience in our relationships is due to the other person, especially when we feel judged. The pain and charges you carry influence you and create your experiences. If you see a pattern in your life, it is probably a charge that is coming up repeatedly. It has nothing to do with the other person. Whether you like it or not, your past defines your successes and failures, especially in your relationships.
Sri Bhagavan says, “Life is a quest to know yourself.”
The emotions we choose to ignore, suppress, or otherwise do not recognize are still dominant within us and tend to come to the surface in our relationships. This is why relationships can be effective tools for knowing ourselves. To know yourself, you need a mirror – and relationships are the mirror. Every relationship you have with another human being mirrors aspects of yourself. It either mirrors you exactly as you are, or it mirrors aspects for which you have a negative charge, i.e., aspects that you dislike about yourself.
When you are fighting with a loved one – a spouse, a child, a parent, a friend, or a business associate – what you are truly fighting against is your shadow self. You projected it on that person. Have you noticed someone saying about a friend or a colleague at work, “I hate him when he does that,” or, “I hate it when he behaves this way.”?
What we hate is an unconscious shadow side of our self, our repressed inner wounds that are now being activated. Whenever our buttons get pushed, a shadowy part of our self is being stimulated. Someone close to us is mirroring us, and we usually don’t want to see it.
Sri Bhagavan says, “When you confront your ugliness and accept yourself, the conflict within you ceases. When the conflict ends, there is energy. Where there is energy, there is happiness.”
The more you try to avoid the hurt, the more it will consume you and continue to haunt you. We become preoccupied with other thoughts. If you can pay attention to the hurt and pain, listen to it, and experience it, then it will go away.
For example, when you are feeling sad, allow yourself to become aware of the feeling. Accept it, and allow yourself to experience that sadness. Until you recognize and acknowledge your sadness, it will not move and transform itself. A true lasting cessation of conflict is an inside job that each one of us must continually do for ourselves.